My heart is full. My cup runneth over.

I am grateful for life, for health, for Yah’s loving kindness, grace and mercy and for the blessings I continue to receive. He has kept me and protected me.  He has healed my heart and my body and allowed me to be here to see, to experience, to celebrate another birthday, a milestone achieved – 60 years on this earth.

I celebrate this and will continue to shout my gratitude. Everyday is a gift and is not to be taken for granted.  So many weren’t given this privilege.  Just within my circle, I think of my brother, Andrew who passed at 47. I think of my friend Jacque who left us at 58, and recently I learned that my biological mother transitioned at 59.  How could I not be grateful?

I’m grateful for the blessing of friendships and family and the wonderful life that has evolved from those relationships.  My birthday weekend celebration was a serious demonstration of the love and beauty of my community. I am grateful for those who chose to fly to Antigua to celebrate with me. Thank you for all the thought, planning and all the hard work that went into making the weekend more than I could ever dream it would be. Thank you for giving so much of yourselves. My words are inadequate to express the depth of my gratitude.

I am blown away by the unfolding of my story.  I give thanks for getting to this place where I see and understand that everything that has taken place on this journey was necessary and all designed for ‘my good’ – to strengthen me, to grow and sustain me for this time.  
My cancer diagnosis was the catalyst for immediate and decisive change.  I am asking that you be proactive. Please don’t wait for that wake-up call.

I’ll be using this space to share some more of my journey and hope that it will inspire you to take action – to develop new habits and make even a few changes to improve your physical, mental and emotional health.  Life is fragile and precious.  Let’s do our part to cherish and preserve it.

Denise
Author

Today on my way to hand over keys to my recently axed landlord, I remember my train of thought being; “I have two small keys on this key ring, one belongs to her the other is for the lock on the cover of my car’s spare tyre. I’m not sure which is mine because I haven’t yet had a puncture since owning this vehicle.  Well, like it or not I will have to try the key today because I need to not hand over the wrong key”.

No sooner after thinking that, I drive the car over a failrly high sleeping policemen (which others call a speed bump) and as I descended, I realize the car felt quite awkward.  It turns out I drove over something quite sharp, which tore into the tyre and damaged it so bad, that it was rendered irreparable.

I recall two weeks ago, during the process of packing up to move, I was at the kitchen sink thinking – “Its great that I haven’t broken anything in this apartment.  Thankfully, on moving in, I packed away all glassware, mugs and other small items, and left out only items that I own, so should there be any accidents, I would not be indebted to the landlord.

Within seconds, my elbow knocked over a glass and it went crashing to the floor.

All that I’ve been reading over the past few months finally has hit home for me. 

We really are always manifesting.  It’s really true that our thoughts and energy create our reality.  Every thought that we have, creates an energy flow within and around our physical being.  Each thought informs our energy, and this energy manifests into our experiences. That’s the power of our thoughts.

The two events described here was the reminder I needed, that I do have the power to manifest. This got me thinking again. “If I have the power to manifest negative experiences then the converse must be true.  I have the ability, in fact I have the power to bring to life any great experience that I desire.  With positive thoughts I create the energy of confidence that in turn has no choice but to bring forth my desires in their physical form.

I am very aware that there is a lot more to this notion of ‘manifestation’ and that any fear or doubt in my power to attract greatness will be self-sabotaging.  Removing these negatives from my psyche is work in progress for me.  This has been my greatest life-challenge, but I recognize that I must complete the work and remove all the obstacles, so I attract the good stuff into my life, as easily as I produce the ‘not-so-good’ experiences.

I am created with the power to manifest.  I am worthy of the best that life has to offer. My thoughts and my energy create my reality.  I will do the work to keep them positive in every situation so that I bring to life all my heart’s desires.

Denise
Author

Thinking often these days and realizing that much of what we were taught as children really hasn’t served us well. I learned from my elders at home at school and at church (who now I know, really didn’t know better themselves). 

 We were trained to adopt certain beliefs and behaviors desires and emotional reactions. Unconsciously, for the most part, they taught me to be ashamed - of body, of thinking differently, of expressing myself freely and in the manner that would bring out my true self, my best self. 

 Social conditioning is how it’s defined. By whatever word you choose to call it, what I know for sure now, is that it has crippled me. This conditioning starts from our very early years. I recall being sent to piano lessons. My teacher was Mrs. Barracks, a retiree that lived some distance up on the same street as me .Her scowls and loud voice and her 12 inch ruler have left an indelible mark on me. At the time, my favourite thing about playing the piano was to try to find the notes of popular songs on the keyboard and “play them by ear” I believe it’s called. 

During my practice sessions at her music studio, I would stop from working on the stanzas in my Royal School of Music Examination Book to pick out the notes for songs like “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine” or one of the songs from my Cinderella LP that went: “moonlight shining in the night, how I have my hope in you” and from nowhere you’d just feel that 12” ruler come down hard on your knuckles and that deep almost manly voice shout “didn’t you hear me say, no playing by ear?”

 I’ve always felt a strong connection with music and that will never change, but my interest in playing the piano was sorely affected by this woman. I stopped playing sometime in high school and the urge to start playing again has never been strong enough to move me to act.

Denise
Author

April has always been my favourite month of the year, after all, it’s my birth month, but it’s also the month I got my cancer diagnosis and so it has even more significance now.  April 2023 is the month that changed my life forever.

On April 19, a week before my birthday, an ultrasound revealed a mass that the sonographer on duty was convinced was malignant.  On April 28, the day after my birthday, I was on the operating table removing the lump.  Turns out the sonographer was right, I had Stage Two invasive carcinoma of the right breast.

Nothing prepares you for the emotional roller coaster you experience in the days and months that follow. At the time,  I was living in Antigua, away from my homeland Jamaica, away from family and my circle of friends – feeling alone, stressed, and in fear.  It was a deep fear of the unknown, a fear that as the only remaining child of my ailing 86-year-old mother, brought a reality check that said she could  be left to live out her golden years all alone. Yet the worst was the fear coming from the doctors that you turn to for help.  The surgeon who removed the lump called me at 7:00am a week later to drive home the point that there should be no delays in treating this condition.  “Cancer is not to be played with” he said.  Time is of the essence here, you need to come in and make arrangements for a mastectomy as soon as possible”.
By then, I had gotten to the point in my research where I understood that there were far more treatment options available than the very scary and invasive ones I was being offered and I decided I was going to give myself time to explore those options. I read everything I could find to understand the condition. I watched videos, listened to podcasts, and talked to cancer survivors about their experiences. It was important for me to understand what I would be facing and more importantly what caused this condition.  So many questions. How was I going to get the answers I desired? I got very still. I turned within and sought guidance and direction from The Most High One.

From thereon, the most amazing synchronicities happened.  All the people, the information and the resources required to deal with this crisis were made available.  Every day wasn’t easy and admittedly I had my moments of doubt and a few bouts of depression too, but for the most part I was committed to keeping a positive attitude and trusting in that still small voice.

I chose the “road less travelled” and went with mainly what most would describe as alternative treatments. Nine months into treatment, a PET CT scan showed “no evidence of disease (NED). At 18 months, after another round of testing, I received the wonderful news from my primary doctor that I was officially in remission.   

The path I chose was not easy but it’s a decision I’m particularly proud of. It took courage to go against the grain, but faced with this situation again, there are very few things I would change.  I am grateful for cancer.  I can say with absolute certainty that it changed my life.  Cancer saved my life.

My approach may not be for you. You may choose to remain on the side of convention, and that’s ok.  Here’s what I want your takeaway to be.  You cannot heal from cancer addressing the physical symptoms only – it must be a holistic approach where you go beyond the results of the scans, the blood work, the surgeries and the medicines.  You have to find and address all the pieces that make up the underlying cause – be it mental, emotional or lifestyle.

For me, it was a combination of all three.
I held on to childhood trauma, I operated with chronic stress most days, I had poor sleep habits, and my food choices were often questionable.  Additionally, as all of us are, there’s a plethora of toxins that I was (and still am) exposed to daily. These are all contributors to cancer and so to really achieve complete healing, we must take a comprehensive approach.

This April, as I celebrate two years cancer-free, I give thanks for this gift of life and all that has come with it. Along the way, a new version of me has evolved, and today I’m physically, mentally and spiritually so much stronger than when I started this journey.

The Most High has granted me more time and I am committed to show my gratitude by living by His laws and continuing the work of healing my temple.
I’m choosing to share my story. If it resonates and helps even one person to better navigate their own healing journey, then my work would
have been done.

More anon

Denise
Author

Lunch today took me to a supermarket deli.  On alighting from the car, I saw a woman who by my estimate could be about 60 years old.  With her was an older woman, probably in her 80s.

Both ladies were so sharply dressed, the younger of the two in a colourful, off the shoulder dress, cut just above her knees.  The older lady in wide legged black pants a long sleeve lace white blouse and wide belt with very large buckle holding firmly her very small waist. The ensemble was finished with kitten heels, drop earrings and large sunglasses.

I simply couldn’t help myself. I had to ask “Is this a mother and daughter duo”? They both smiled and the younger lady proudly said “yes we are”.  I spoke directly to the daughter, and said “there is no doubt where you got your sense of style from – you both are so fabulous”

The mother beamed and said “Thank you my darling, you made my day”.  Walking ahead of me, you could see a light pep in her step and her smile lingered.

At another point during the visit, seeing them again, the glow and the smiles were still there.  Then it struck me, by seeing the joy on their faces, my own mood was also lifted. A simple, spontaneous act had positively impacted the rest of my day.   Truth is, that when you give value, the value you get back is multiplied.

Declare Today:   that you are valuable and that you see value in every person you encounter.  Believing this, consciously reach out and give of yourself to at least one person per day.  Reaching out could simply be a smile, a compliment or a word of encouragement.  Show value for others and watch your own value go up.

Denise
Author