Your Daily Anecdotes
Annoyance From the AARP
I get a text from this acquaintance, alright, 'friend' you know that once in a blue moon; I don't want to bother; but let me fulfill an obligation just in case I might need to call, if I find my arse in jail. Anyway, she is bitching and rightfully so, that she is 49 1/2 years old and she gets an invitation from AARP. Now, if and when I get that old and looking down the barrel of 60, I am not going to lie, I would be very pissed, that AARP has not kept up with the times. Naturally, the good 'friend' I am, I texted back....Isn't 50 the new 40.....? Fun and joke aside, come on AARP, you are not dealing with your mother's mother, you are dealing with the forever young Baby Boomers, a very self-serving and morally righteous lot - The all about me generation! Time to reset AARP!
Cement it!
Sometime ago, I knew of this acquaintance that emigrated to the states. I caught up with her a spit and a hump dogs years later. Anyhow, she and her bag and baggage landed in the Sunshine State, that is, Florida, the northern ultra-white part. Yes, just in case you are wondering how I can remember such minutiae, well, I have this phenomenal memory that allows me total recall stuff that was told to me ten barks and ten bites in dogs years, but I digress. So I chatted with this acquaintance and she told me that she married this guy that she detested, and worked with some prejudice people that she detested even more. Her contention was that in the first place, they did not live anywhere, but he wanted to build his mother a house. In the second place, this guy would not dress into anything less that than heng pon nail or hawl up, shawl up ill-fitted clothes, and whenever he came to pick her up from her workplace; in the piece of old bruck that he drove; his shirt would be unbuttoned, out of his pants, mismatched and barely covering the tool shed. And of course, I had to chime in my two cents piece and told her, "just don't breed for him, even if you have to pour cement into that hole"
Gone With the Wind!
Two people should be able to come to their senses and realize that the chemistry lab is burnt to ashes, no more visits to the lab to work up some sort of artificial reaction, leave combustion to courtship. Make no mistake, both parties know that it's over, yet, one party remains catatonic in an extraordinary state of denial and goes completely bizerk when the other finds blissfulness. This acquaintance of mine marriage was on life support for many years, he is an outgoing guy; she a home body. She hated spending money; he hated the big dragon drawers and t-shits she brought from K-Mart; he loved having a good time and indulging in the finer things of life. One lonely night, he reconnected with his college sweetheart on Facebook and the life support switch was pulled swiftly. Say within six weeks, these happy lovers sent about seven hundred emails between themselves. This fact came to light as his wife literally sat down and counted them when she found out the inevitable. That's what I say, who counts email's goings and comings? Well, the next thing he knew, was that his scorned wife got on the phone to the his woman's husband and let the cat out of the bag. Well, that life support switch was snatched even faster, in a matter of weeks, she pulled up roots to be move in with him in their new place. I said to him, dude you don't play and he replied, "Etta, life is too short, I am fifty years old, I have served my jail time, now I need to live for me"
Blowing In The Wind!
Hate cross roads, I think I have been at one too many of them, like millions of others, of course. Am I complaining, absolutely! I am tied under water like everybody else, it's just to what degree and relativity, some people's feet are tied to rocks by cow chains, while the necks of others are themselves chains. I like to take stock of my life every once in a dog's year and somehow forced its direction to the path not taken or just revisit the one that felt most comfortable. How I covet a nice change, something with meaning and quantifiable amount of self-actualization. I keep having this recurring dream that I have to sit a test and I am always late and not prepared to take it or I am travelling and I can never find clothes to pack, bloody hell!
Of Men and Mars
Men do not want to be controlled or have the hot pudding for supper held hostage or rationed. I work very closely with a Casanova, who tells me that there was this woman and in the height of passion told her that her tasty and sweet pudding bar none, of course, this fool let 'puck talk' flew into her head. So, one day they had a disagreement, and she tried to rub his nose in it, as he headed for the door, " you will be back for this kitty, you can't live without this cat," and he took one look back and said, "watch this" and jumped in his car....drove away and stayed away!
Proud To Be An Export
When Jamaican exports return home for a visit, one of the foremost things on most minds, is what people are going to say. A few years ago, a friend of mine decided to take a vacation after a long hiatus from Jamaica, anyway, she barely could catch her breath of some fresh yard breeze, before one of her relatives greeted her with " lawd, a wey yu a big ago," Grant you, she did put on a few pounds, but those tactless words, mashed up her whole vacation. Sometime ago, I was going with this guy, and the first thing my friend said to me, " I hope you are not planning to have kids with that ugly looking man, as they would not be easy on the eyes," and I could hear the echoes from the shrills of one of my relative's voice from yard, "A wha dat yu gaw a foreign go pick, try yu best and no breed fi dat"
Where’s The Man!
Lovers, spouses or partners seem to forget that keeping a relationship going takes work, it doesn't build itself, but it surely goes on life support and die a natural death all by itself. A relationship is like a camp fire, if you don't fan the flames or feed it with wood, it dies down, eventually. Married women get caught up with the kids, the chores, their jobs, a lifestyle for the benefits of others and forget that they have husbands that need servicing and attention. Oh what short memories you have, the pre-marriage days when you.....So, when your husband’s go out on the road and live in other woman's hole like a crab, don't complain! Happy Father's Day, from Etta Thorpe, Do you know exactly where your man is at?
The Mellow Man
This one goes without saying, in my teenage years, I used to fantasize about what the two backs beast would feel like with a very old man, in his forties, maybe. The room I remembered would be lit with red dim lights, decorated with red drapes and adorned with red satin sheets. Suffice to say, about twelve years ago, I was surprised to be in a room at the Jamaica Pegasus, exactly how I imagined it, of course, the irony, it was the forty year old man that was indulging in his fantasizes about the twenty two year old.
Famous last words - Nothing about love says forever, the reality of love is that people do grow apart and then they tolerate each other out of something other than love.