Christians always say God has a plan for all of us, but what if that plan is tragic? Why would he plan something so awful for awful for someone? This is the mind of a teenager. They say when you have a really close relationship with God you can hear him speaking to you, and that you will no longer be afraid of death because you can not wait to live in the kingdom of heaven with him (God) by your side. The fact that people put so much faith into something they can not see or prove but sense fascinates me and freaks me out a little at the same time.

One of my best friends devotes her life to God at all times, only listens to Christian music, and also spreads the word of Jesus, yet she can not hear a word he says. She can't understand what she's doing wrong for her to still be afraid of death and not be willing to sacrifice her life for the Lord. Although it does not make much sense to me either, I still sit through church and sing with the youth group, while the rest of the adults are on their knees fiercely praising God. It's funny how many things can change about a person over time. I used to go to church every sunday when my family could to pray and   listen to our pastor. I even used to pray for every single person I knew.

Most people can't even imagine praying for every single person the know but I did it with ease. One day we just stopped going, but I knew it was coming. It used to be such a relief almost not to have to wake up so early and put on a dress your mom picked out for you with stockings you hated putting on. Ugh I hated putting on stockings. Now that I am older I have forgotten the meaning of praying and what we call grace. Now that I am older I miss church because now I need someone to guide me in the right direction as I slowly become an adult. Now that I am older I will be the little kid I once was who prays for every single person I know and I will find the light God once shined on me.

O.N. Murray 



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