Nervous, I wondered what to do... I knew how to act in these situations. Keep my mouth shut. There was a pause from the other side of the bed and I prayed that it was over. I hoped against all odds that this was not about to go down. I knew of the threats that would follow. I was prepared to block it from my mind until it was over. There was a shift and then I felt the slight brush of hands across my nipples. I shifted under the pressure of the body weight on me then it happened, a hand was placed firmly on my mouth. "Nuh seh nuttin." I nodded in the darkness. The movement of my head was felt and the hand was removed. It may have lasted for ten minutes but it seemed like ten hours. I tried to think of a time when I was safe and happy. My mind could not go there. I was constantly poked and pulled. Somehow I managed to keep still.
There was no mention of killing anyone of my family members or killing me this time. This time there were just sounds which were unfamiliar to me. There was no urgency in the movements of hands which were holding my legs up. These movements were slow, steady and deliberate. The breathing was also not urgent but was slow. It felt familiar but different and I was confused. I began to tighten up but was assured that I was loved and it wouldn’t hurt.
Where are the tears when I need them? It was over and I wanted to vomit. I was sore and tender from being violated. I was in pain from the experience. I knew I was never to mention this to anyone. I knew how to clean up myself and walk through the pains. I knew that I was to smile and be happy and pretend that the red eyes I had from crying through the night was because i was up reading late in bed. I knew where to discard my panties if there was blood and I knew to especially keep my mouth shut. Even though I wasn’t told to do so on this occasion, I had been in this place before; just in a different place. Then it came… My comfort, my friend… My tears.
Dawn was slow in coming and I long to urinate but I was afraid. I knew the burning from my private part was unavoidable; I held it hoping the movement on the other side of the bed would leave before I did. It never happened. As I pulled the covers back, the pain came from between my legs was as sharp as a razor. I was swollen in places I didn’t know I had, but I knew how to push pass the pain and that I would be needing all the strength I had.
As I placed my feet on the ground I was pulled back unto the bed. I was firmly reminded to shut my mouth. With that, she rolled over and pulled the covers over her head.
Written By: Delmarine Morris
