Hair & make-up perfect, hands manicured, body moisturized and deodorized.
Making sure we are wearing our best undies (well you never know when you might get lucky) and newest clothes.
Perfume sprayed, but not overdone. Don’t want to smell like a tarts boudoir
Teeth cleaned and mouth washed
Preparation for men
A shower, hopefully
Deodorant, if we’re lucky
A shave, possibly
Clean clothes, especially underwear, please God
Maybe some cologne if there’s any left from the gift set Grandma bought him for Christmas.
Teeth cleaned, here’s hoping
All for what?
A fumble in the dark, trying to pretend we’re not holding our stomachs in
Worrying that our carefully applied make-up is getting smudged
Hoping he hasn’t noticed our stretch marks,
cellulite and operation scars
Pretending to be satisfied when the foreplay has lasted all of 5 minutes
Equally, pretending to still enjoy it after 45 minutes, hoping he’ll soon just get it over with now, because our favourite programme’s just about to start
Faking an orgasm, just to spare his feelings
Pretending not to mind having to lie on the wet patch, whilst actively trying to avoid it
Telling him he was wonderful, when he was anything but, just to spare his manly ego.
So, why do we do it?
God knows, but life would be so boring without it!
