and smiled. Close by was my mother sitting on the shore catching the waves and patting her body.  I smiled as I observed both elderly persons.” (such an humbling moment)

(There is my Mom on the shore catching waves and her grandkids asking her if she was alright)

May 2, 2014

So Whose Job Is It To Take Care of OUR parents?

My mother was not as old as his father; in fact she was so active that she did a morning jog/walk every day and often joined me in my workout routines when she visited. Seeing this act that day had me thinking about my own future as an elderly person. How wonderful it would feel to have my own kids take me to the beach and have the patience to allow me to sit and bask in the early morning freshness of the air and feel the warm water soak my body and the sand between my toes. I witness three (3) generation of men in that family and I am sure the young lad, although he may not understand now but will later on remember what his dad did for his grandfather. His father handled his dad with great care and gentleness you could tell he wasnt just doing it because he had no one else to look after him while he and his son went to the beach he was doing it out of pure unconditonal love.

Life is a cycle. As we grew older we anticipated the day when we would become adults and start life on our own making new discoveries and great achievements some of which we did to make our parents proud. However apart from doing all the things we aspire, how many of us actually set aside time to take our parents to the park to sit and watch the sky changes colour, or for a ride to the country in the new car we just bought, or even to simply to sit by the beach; in other words spend quality time with our parents.

The constant demands of life forces us to constantly give attention to our wants and needs and we naturally get caught up in our own life selfishly without even know that we did. We give the occasional one week or once a month calls to our parents and do the occasional acknowledgement of mother’s and father’s day, then comes Christmas time we send a few shillings and spend alittle longer on the phone since that is the time we most feel the need to be closer to family and Easter we send a few shillings so mama can buy a bun or two and a tin of cheese, on their birthday we big them up on Facebook and twitter and all the other social media we can get our hands on BUT let us be real how many of us parents really use social media to see and hear the wonderful post we make to acknowledge them?

While growing up our parents never only acknowledge us when it is special occasions. They had to acknowledge us with every waking moment. We looked to them for breakfast, lunch money and as school bell rang we would make our way home to a home cooked meal of whatever they could find to prepare just so we did not go to bed hungry. It was not an easy task being there for you 365 days of the years sacrificing time, money and for some parents lost dreams because you needed to be taken care of. Regardless of the realtionship you have with your parents still extend a hand to them. be grateful. my dad and i lost touch when he and my mother separated but i never stopped loving him a day in my life. I love him unconditionally and still ensure that he is okay no matter what. Thats my Dad, we all make mistakes.Taking care of your parents is no easy matter and it should never be taken lightly.

So this Mother’s and Father’s day let it be the beginning of a wonderful relationship with your parents that will be spent looking after them 365 days out of the year. Take time to listen to them, find out if there are ways you can make their life more comfortable, take them out for a picnic; whatever you do make sure they know EVERYDAY that you appreciate the sacrifice they made for you. I talk to my mother atleast five (5) times each week, she shows up at my home as she pleases since she has her own key and at times my phone rings at 6a.m. on a saturdary morning before answering i could tell the line of the onversation " what are you doing today Dee?" No matter what my response is she would either say okay i am coming with you or the famous ones these days " I feel like going to Scothies in Ocho Rios today to have lunch". Yes there is a  Scothies in Kingston but i guess it is "too near" hahaha so my usual response is "okay mommy pick you up at 9:00 p.m just get ready" and someitmes that respnse to that is " I am on my way to your home already, whats for breakfast".

I am never too busy to count sand with this woman, i admire her so much and I am so proud she is the vessel that i came into this world in.  So let the once a week shout out end, let your kids call their grandparents, teach them how important it is to look after their parents.

In closing for those whose parents have gone before, I pray that you will be able to take comfort in the time you spent with them while they were here. Cherish those moments and hold them close to your heart and share them with your kids so they will share the memory with your grandkids. Parents are a blessing to us, it is through them we are here, it is through them we are able achieve what we have and are able to “live it up” so let us begin a culture of “LIVING IT UP” with our parents by our side 365 DAYS a year.

Feel free to leave me a comment, share and dont forget to subscribe. So until my next blog Happy LIVE IT UP DAY with your parents by your side!

This is a comment that I felt moved by and was so compelled to add this to my blog

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Dear Dee,

It is so difficult to relate to these sentiments even though I fully comprehend the essence thereof. While I grew up knowing my mother she was so sparsely there; even now I am still searching for answers that seem to flee whenever i get too close. As for my father, I knew him as a child before he upped and disappeared, but not as my dad. In 2007, at age 32, he, under duress from his wife came to Jamaica to do a DNA, only to later confess to his wife he knew all along that I was his child. I must confess, relating to my parents is easily one of the most magnanimous of complexities in my life.
My grandmother, my mother's mother I can better relate to as I fully understand and appreciate the numerous told and untold sacrifices she made for my two brothers and I. Uncle Paul too, he was the father we never had despite the challenges it was for him still a child himself.
For many this is our story. How we end up treating our parents is an individual matter. As for me I am still chasing after them, maybe one day I will get to spend some quality time with either or both of them.

Andrew.

Dear Andrew,

I read, then I had to read your post all over again. It is sad that for some persons like yourself this is their reality and I fully acknowledge it. I also acknowledge that alot of persons grew up with aunts and uncles they call mom and dad and my reference to mothers and fathers is not limited to biological parents which I did not highlight but it would have added more substance to my blog. i thank you for sharing with me such a delicate topic and i hope some day, even tho it may take lots of effort and time that you will be able to repair or have a wonderful relationship with your parents. With teary eyes, I thank you once more for this important reminder.

Dee

Having Lost both her parents Sandra had this to say ;

Dear Dee,

I will continue to cherish the moments I had with them. Rest in Peace Mumzi & Dadda.

To Andrew she wrote on my Facebook page

Dear Andrew

I understand. Parents come in different forms. As far as I see it, your beloved sweet grandmother is your mother and your dear Uncle Paul? That's who I'd call my Dadda. Biology and blood aren't everything Andrew. Next of Kin is the one who loves you the most and it really doesn't matter what you call him or her. You get my drift?

Sandra

Thank you for reading, relating and sharing your experience. Thank you for lending a shoulder or a kind word to each other and most of all thank you for being apart for my journey.